MiCasaLoca

John Gabriel at 12:40 in the morning

For the last month there has been a stack of guide books on Florida sitting next to my computer chair.  Most nights, after Mari and John go to bed, I look at those books while I walk around the house to lure John Gabriel to sleep. 

My proposal:  After he falls to sleep, I'll do research.  I'll also check on my emails and do some other writings.

Then I nurse.  And he falls to sleep.  And then wakes to nurse.  But never can I put him in the bassinet.  Well, never is a harsh word.  There has been a few times (like, maybe 5 times).  He's taking Zantac now to help with his reflux but I'm beginning to think that his refusal of the downstairs bassinet is the simple fact that he doesn't want to miss any of the action.  He will, on more occasions, start off in the bassinet upstairs...unless I want to sneak down and write on the computer.

The scary thing about all of this is, what if I did go back to work?  How would I manage if I wasn't able to get to sleep?  Ok, I might get sleep, but I would never be able to get on the computer.  I still can't put him down during the day except for very short (and blessed) moments.  It has gotten a bit better...instead of him screaming after 45 seconds of being in the bassinet, he can now go up to 60 minutes for the week.  What a relief!

He's now 12 weeks old.

I remind myself that he's not going to be doing this forever.

For example, I can't imagine him being 9 years old and not wanting to sleep anywhere but in my arms.  It's actually sweet to think about how selective he is...it makes me think of how Madeline is trying to wean her 22 month old.  I think it's sweet that he searches for his mama...and she's probably just tired of it and wants a rest.

Well, I've already informed John that on Friday night I want 1 hour of "free-time".  I know he loves holding the baby, but he has been going to bed early to catch the metro.  Thus, during the week he doesn't have as much time to give, but I think I am really needing a break now.  Or I could do what he and my mom suggest.  Let him cry. 

I'll be hiding.  With earplugs.

Did I mention that my cat, Carlitos, insists that he sit on my lap-even if the baby is in my arms and the laptop is on my legs?

Got Lost, Sorry!

I really am starting to enjoy this whole "blogging" thing.  I miss it when I can't get to the computer and have contemplated if less sleep would actually be healthier if I spent a few hours of that time on the computer.  For the last 3 days I have really desired the computer...anything to relieve me from my terrible mistake that I made!  See, I had the crazy notion that in addition to taking care of a house (easy), a 12 week old who doesn't want to be put down (hard), and the normal other stuff that I do, I could UNPACK.  After all, we've only been in this place for 11 months, I'm not pregnant (and thus, exhausted), and I'm not even working as a legal assistant anymore (silent sob-future blog potential).  So, it's easy right?  I stack the papers on the couch.  And feel overwhelmed.  What happened anyway?  I thought that all that STUFF was sorted through before we moved!  Where did it all come from, again?

Now, I have a habit of holding on to things that I'm going to "read" later...of course, with the limited time that I allow myself, those "reads" usually don't happen.  So I've been pretty good about recycling those items, such as the Takoma Voice, the Silver Spring Voice, and The Gazette, much to my dismay.    Dad always told me to prioritize and I am, regretfully.  Still, what's remaining in the pile?  All the other grownup stuff that we, for some reason, hold on to.  And it take forever to go through as I want to make sure I don't throw anything away that is important.  Help!  Please help me.  I don't want to live with this paper hill.  I did that at work every day for the last 2 years...I really am confused as to how it all congregated into one big hill in the basement.   I thought we were organized.  Is that just a dream?

I mean, I know we are organized.  This pile just happened to slip through the cracks.  I think that the real question is, why am I so f*%@ing hard on myself!  Yes, this is a clean blog.  I promise.  My daughter knows that we all have slip-ups....

Not your Typical blog

Gabito is asleep in the bassinet in the dining room and Carlitos (the cat) is still vying for my lap (like always-nothing has changed there).  I think he's very happy that the baby isn't on my lap at the moment;  people have asked me if I am going to get another cat to make up for our 2nd seat in the "cat's corner" since Gatita went to heaven April of 2004, but really, the answer is no.  I'm tired of Carlitos stepping on the keyboard locking up my computer as he is trying to get a small spot next to the baby. As I love him dearly, I cannot imagine what it would be like if I had another cat his size trying to squeeze her furry butt next to him, the baby, and the laptop.  It's difficult as it is to sit and write for a moment without the extra bodies (other than Gabito). 

By the way, the last few blogs that I wrote in regards to television and movies was a bit out of character for me;  I was writing for a freelance position that I was hoping would open up for me and therefore, posted a bunch of stuff about some shows I watched.  Sorry it wasn't my normal exciting me. 

But then, thinking about it, I really don't write alot about what's going on, anyway. I would love to, but my time is very limited.  Right now I'm working on two different major projects and am keeping my writing time dedicated to them.

Ha!  What a lie!  Sorry, but I really should confess.  The last week has been trying, to say the least.  Gabito doesn't like the idea of sleeping on me while I type.  No, he'd rather fuss and he requires that I have both hands on him, one to hold him-to keep him from arching backwards and then slamming down on my collar bone...and the other to pat his back.  He refuses to take the pacifier from me...which I was having success with for a little bit...and of course, as usual, does not enjoy the idea of laying down next to me or in the bassinet (except for tonight).  So computer time has been put aside lately and my stories sit.  But that's not a big deal because a lot of them were created years ago and are still waiting to be "born."  It wouldn't be such a big deal if they sat around a few more years except that the desire to write has become almost unbearable...

...and that I have told my employer that it doesn't look like I'm coming back for a bit.  So, it would be nice to have a published story or two under my belt.

But, alas, loving life gets in the way.  And in a good way, sometimes.  Like when I'm with family, or off walking in the woods.  Or who knows.  It's just life and it keeps us writers from our work.

And then so does blogging.  But a good friend recently stated that blogging is good for the soul.  So soul, I tell you, please enjoy this moment.

Inspiration

The blog is suppose to inspire me to write...even when I just don't feel like it.  Well, just as the blog states, there were days when I couldn't be dragged to the computer (while pregnant).  Now I'm back with my ole' friend, the laptop, and we spend a lot time together.  But sometimes the blog is ignored as I'm so busy writing stories, researching publishing companies, and reading news-blogs-and emails.   So what do I blog about?   Do I blog about our lives, about how Mari Carmen is on a cross country trip to California...and how tomorrow is her last day there and then she will be flying back.  I should have, shouldn't I?  Or how John is very tired lately?  Or maybe that I've been typing with one hand for the most part and I truly can't even see the keyboard half the time.  Yeah, this is what I was suppose to do...keep an account of what is going on in our lives so I could skip the extra step of sending every person I know an email about our EXCITING life (which it is, really, if you redefine "exciting"...I actually like to call our lives, "humorous").  I think it would be important for everyone in the world to know that I have the "clingy baby" corner on the market.   I do alot with just one hand.  At first it was a little frustrating...now it's quite challenging.  Today I sucessfully emptied the ice cube trays, refilled them, made coffee, transferred vaseline from one container to another, and got dressed with just one hand!  I think that Little John is giving me an opportunity to see what it feels like to be one handed...a gift that I can utilize to write about in a children's story.  I mean, I truly take Mrs. Rush's advice to heart. 

"Write about what you know."  She said.  She happened to be the librarian at my high school (for all of you who didn't know that important fact) and a good friend that I have lost.  No, she's not dead.  She's just not working at Roosevelt Roads High School anymore.   Oh well.  Things change.

And so does my writings.  At one time I was truly having to write to a point.  Now I can just cruise down the river and go in any direction I want...although, I guess...that's not the best analogy since rivers really only go in one direction-down stream.

Clutz-i-ness Sucks

For the last two hours, John Gabriel has been fussy.  He wants to go to sleep but has been battling congestion and is rather cranky.  I personally would like to write so I forgo walking around the house and insist we sit and rock in the non-rocking chair (with laptop on me for when he falls asleep).  He's almost asleep when I decide to have a sip of my ice cold soda...anybody who knows me could finish this sentence...I have a drinking problem like Ted Striker in Airplane. A whole tablespoon or so falls on his arm and he starts screaming like he's just got his shots. I feel terrible AND ofcourse, we have to start all over.

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Movies are like cheating in English class.  Watch the movie and claim to have read the book.  I did it once, but felt so guilty that I read the book, Hard Times, after the semester was over.  I'm not the only one who feels that the movie should come second;  Ms. Lockhart agrees.  Or at least I assume it's a Ms.  Her blog hasn't really given me a lot of info about her except that she now has 15 boyfriends.  She must be really tired.  I have one husband and he demands a lot of time and attention;  I wouldn't want 14 more.  Anyway, I digress.  Ms. Lockhart agrees that watching the movie is moving away from being a "purest"-her words, yet I wish they had been mine, first.  I can now say I'm a "purist", that I read the books first, then watch the movies.  What's a little lie now and then?

Yes, English class was never about fun books like Charlie and The Chocolate Factory.  It's a wonderful story for any human...only those who skipped childhood can't appreciate the wonder of candy, the desperate need to win, and the thrill of the show.  Oh, I haven't seen this latest addition yet, but I have watched the original so many times that I have the lines memorized. Gene Wilder wasn't in any way attractive, but he had these amazing blue eyes that captivated me.  I never practiced saying my name in the old childish way any girl says..."Mary Ann Wilder" when she wants to pretend she's married to an actor, but I wanted those eyes.  Or maybe just the factory.  I watched the newest trailer three times, marveled at how close the story follows the original, and rejoiced at all the new additions.  Then I was searching for a good picture of Johnny Depp in character when I came across the premiere photo gallery and Britney Spears.  Augh!!  No! No! No! Why is she there?  Who invited her?  Why hex the movie before it's even released?  I consider myself to be a non-participant of pop culture, but have recently confessed to my denial...I am actually quite interested in what's going on while playing the role that I'm "above" all that.  I've only been pretending to not be interested, when in reality, I have to know what is going on if I'm going to write for children.  I've gotta know what "pimp-slap" and "bitch" really mean in laymen's terms, not what it meant to me in the 80's.  Britney Spears was a person that I had planned to purposely ignore, not just pretend to ignore (like Brad Pitt).  Somebody needs to push her off the red carpet before she ruins the movie...God, no, she can't be in the movie, can she? I thought that she was hanging out on her couch, making reality shows about her pregnancy, and moaning over her husband whats-his-name.  It says "rate this photo" but do I ?  I don't want to insult the photographer...there's only so much a camera can do.  And really, I wouldn't of had anything negative to say about the girl if she had just kept her private life, PRIVATE!  I don't even know her.  Really, we've never even met and if I had seen her, I probably wouldn't have recognized her or had any desire to greet her.  What would I say?

"Hi Britney."  (Do I address her by her first name since she's younger than me or do I address her by her last name since I don't know her?  What does she go by these days?)  "Uh, my name is Mary Ann and I just want you to know that I think it was terrible how you let down a million tween fans when you decided to sell your body rather than your music."  Thank God I have taught my 8 year old Britney's path to fame.  She doesn't want to be THAT kind of singer.  I don't think Britney would want to become friends if I said those mean (but true) words.  Maybe bluntness isn't very becoming.  I decided to search the word tween on the web, and was shocked to see the example had Britney in it!  How fascinating!  Here's the online dictionary using Britney to describe a word and she's teaching the kids how to be sexy.  Here's what it says:

"Definition:	a pre-teenager, generally aged 10-12; also, a youth aged 10-14; also called tween, tweenie
Example:	Britney Spears is attractive to tweenagers."

   Oh yeah, that's just what I want my 8 year old daughter to be like in two years...a Britney wanna-be.  Maybe I could buy her a push-up bra...excuse me while I go hurl.

Ok, enough bashing Britney.  Usually I only bash people and things like George W. Bush.  Let's go back to my original thought....  I went on the official web site for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and had fun playing the games until I lost, which was pretty much every time since I was trying to play them with only one hand (I was nursing).  I guess the creators of the games didn't consider people with handicaps, like those who are missing a hand.  My hand's still attached, but now I have new empathy for those that lost theirs.  Computer games must suck for them.

Of course, with every movie there are movie memorabilia.  I wonder if the advertising people and the gimmick making people got together and discussed the candy sales this one would produce.  They started with the idea of selling a  a  2006 calendar , but should have called me as to how to improve it.  First, if it doesn't have Johnny running about in his boxers, then I can't imagine why anyone would be interested in it.  Ok, I'm just kidding...but isn't it odd to have the calendar come out so early in the year when the film is released in the summer?  I would have to be a die-hard fan for the movie if I wanted the calendar for the entire 2006 year!  Really, I should have been polled, asked, and put on the pay roll at Warner Brother studios.  I could have come up with a great calendar that anybody would have wanted.  It would be like an Advent calendar only with a better sugar high!  Nerds in January, Gobstoppers in February, Charm BlowPops in March...that's my kind of calendar! I like fun candy, the kind that does things, like when Gene Wilder ate the cup in the original movie...after drinking out of it.  We could sell t-shirts with pockets to put all sorts of candy in them, cell phones that had edible holders, and pens that squirted sugar instead of ink.  But noooo, did Warner Brothers give me a call yet?  I can't send them my boring resume but if they were in the room with me for just 3 minutes, I know that we could be best of friends.  Unless, that is, if Britney came along.   

One Handed Lady Seen Typing!

Here's the update:  Blog will be temporarily shared with sister.  Bizarre, I know!  I am not sure how we will organize it...and at first, I contemplated turning it over completely to her.  I just couldn't say goodbye to my personal blog!  Besides, wouldn't this be the best time for everyone to just "pop" in and see how everything is going

  Oh, by the way, she has a name.  It's Frances.  I am sure she is just as good as I am with writing...or perhaps better.  Frances has just arrived to San Diego and can surely share her experiences for the whole crew to read! 

May 26 -John Gabriel is here!

John Gabriel was born 2:27 a.m. and 2:37 a.m. (1st is official time as he "crowned") on May 26th.  He weighed in at 7 lbs. 1 oz and is 21.5 inches long.  He has strong legs (I call them frog legs because they are squashed up until he kicks) with big feet (I knew he would from all his kicking).  He also came with a sucking blister, big hands, and long fingers.  He's very strong (another thing I knew by all his actions while inside) and has a head full of dark hair.  His eyes are hazel-ish and he loves watching everything.  I would have written about him sooner, but I have been busy watching him instead.  I think I have fallen in love with another John.

Ramblings at 3:15 a.m. May 25th

Briefly let’s discuss my blog-the reason I write here! It doesn’t really cover all of my life...or most of it, for that matter. It's like getting a tiny peek of my life. Most of my readers know that this blog is only scratching the surface. For instance, no where in this blog do I mention that Carlito's, my cat, has been crazy about me ever since I have been pregnant (just like last time) which has made it almost impossible for me to use the laptop as he wants my lap instead! Perhaps that is one of the reason I don't "surf"or type very much on the blog...the more pregnant I have become, the more clingy he has become. Tonight he has been following me, crying to get my attention, begging me to hold him.

There's no mention in my blog of how I have always procrastinated about becoming a children's writer-I have had wonderful support from John, my parents, my middle, high school, and college English teachers, Mrs. Rush the librarian at Rosy High School (now closed), Mark (current employer)...but I never slowed down long enough to send one off (I finally did on May 2nd, one day after I started maternity leave).

There's some suggestion in my blog that I do love being a mommy, but the stories that I could write about never quite make it to the blog. I don't go into serious details about my best friend, John, or his great life trying to live with me and my crazy pregnancy hormones. I do dabble at covering our lives, briefly, with our 2 big dogs and one crazy cat (and not to forget, our squealing "pig";).

I don't go into details about my Mom and Dad, and my sister, or my nieces, or my brother-in-laws...or anything really about family. And if this was really suppose to be a blog to update everyone on my life, then I suppose I would have mentioned these people as they are significant in my life!

Or maybe this blog could be devoted to immigration and human rights issues, about how I am so lucky to be born an AMERICAN and in spite of our many government problems, we still have one of the best systems in the world.

Or I could talk about the environment and how adamant I feel about reusing, recycling, and caring for the world around us.

But do I?

Do I go into detail about how I love my back yard and all it's trees with it's many birds...in spite of the fact that I can hear the beltway...but pretend it is the Black River in Watertown, NY-but how would I know about that particular river? Oh, that's right...do I ever blog about our military days, about how we traveled to 5 different states in a very short amount of life? No, I don't, do I?

Instead I write for the moment, like how it is 2:45 a.m. right NOW and I am having these great back pains that last for a little bit...and then leave, coming back every ten minutes. I have been crazy with lower back pain in the evenings for the last week (and in April, at random)...Gabito seems to know when it is bed time...not only does he get up to play, but the lower back pain settles in, making sleep very difficult. Still, I knew that those pains were not contractions, though I did call the Maternity center just to make sure (hoping!). Just like I know that these are contractions.

I had to wake John at 12:25 a.m. just to tell him. The poor guy has been on pins and needles since mid April waiting. He was actually becoming quite upset that the days were slipping by with no more action. The guy smiled, and told me to get some sleep. I would if these contractions weren't so intense when they did come! No wonder Carlitos has been so crazy about me tonight! He's sitting next to me right now, patting me with his paws, irritated that I won't let him sit on my lap...but really, sitting during a contraction is like...having my teeth pulled without the yucky numbing stuff.

I'm sure I know why the contractions finally kicked in. I didn't want to be induced (that was NO FUN last time) on June 2nd-and I didn't want to miss Mari's school carnival on the 3rd, but I didn't want Gabito to share a birthday with anyone in the family (I mean, with John and I sharing the same birthday-isn't that enough?) so the 28th of May was also out. That left us with the few days left this week and all of next week. I thought of asking the midwives if they could postpone the induction until June 4th, but I knew that John would probably fall out over that idea. He's really got his heart set on the 2nd (or before then) and even though it's me that's going to work this baby through a series of pushes, he's still very excited about getting everything started. SO mindset was...induction=not good. Not fun last time...don't really want to do it again.

For everyone who has never been induced (like my mother-in-law, Laura, who didn't understand why I didn't want to be induced)...the feeling is like this:

Imagine you are in a small slip coasting on a stream...your paddle is resting in your lap as you quietly coast alongside the pretty shore. Now, someone breaks your "water" and you are in the same slip, only now you are in white water and you can see the cliff ahead...there's no time to paddle, and all you can do is grab to the side of your little boat and hold on!!!!! Add the Pitocin that you have received through your veins, and your boat isn't there...it's just you in the water and there are sharks nipping at your back. That's being induced for me. To be fair to Laura, she did have C-sections and when she mentioned those, I admitted there's no way I could compare the two as I have never had a C-section. Secretly, I would rather not ever have that experience which is why I don't encourage epidurals. I don't have the research to cite at the moment, but studies have determined that epidurals slow contractions and women who have epidurals have more problems, like C-sections and nursing issues. If pain medication=c-sections, I will go through this the old fashion way! Meaning...the way my great grandmothers did it. I really held onto that concept last time...that if they were able to, then I could, too. I told this to my sister during her labor with my first niece, Shalom. She told me to shut up. Of course, I told her while she was actually in labor...so she probably wasn't too keen on listening to my ideas about "connecting" with our ancestors. I haven't really bothered to bring it up since then...I suppose she and I can talk about it when we are both soaking our dentures.

Of course, with the way science is changing our world, by the time we are old enough for dentures (look Mommy! My 1st set!) dentistry will be so awesome that we won't need them.

Good grief! More contractions....

May 24, 2005

Gabito loves to kick and play several times a day, but hasn't quite figured out that there's less room now than ever considering he is still in my BELLY!  Anyway, this tiny blog will hopefully settle any curious questions in case any relative, friend, or stranger wants to call the house to see if the baby has come...because he hasn't, yet.  And for the most part, I don't answer the phone as I'm too busy spending the day "nesting"-I suppose Gabito will come when my mom heads back to Blacksburg (she's been at my sister's preparing for the sale of their house which will begin on June 6-and probably end on the 6th, considering the Falls Church house market).  Or when I finish unpacking the basement. Or when I'm in the middle of watching Star Wars at the theatre.

The very latest day would be June 3rd, the day after the Midwives "induce" labor.  That's the day Mari's elementary school has their really awesome carnival.  I was hoping I wouldn't miss it. 

Maybe we could be induced on the 4th....