John Gabriel at 12:40 in the morning

For the last month there has been a stack of guide books on Florida sitting next to my computer chair.  Most nights, after Mari and John go to bed, I look at those books while I walk around the house to lure John Gabriel to sleep. 

My proposal:  After he falls to sleep, I'll do research.  I'll also check on my emails and do some other writings.

Then I nurse.  And he falls to sleep.  And then wakes to nurse.  But never can I put him in the bassinet.  Well, never is a harsh word.  There has been a few times (like, maybe 5 times).  He's taking Zantac now to help with his reflux but I'm beginning to think that his refusal of the downstairs bassinet is the simple fact that he doesn't want to miss any of the action.  He will, on more occasions, start off in the bassinet upstairs...unless I want to sneak down and write on the computer.

The scary thing about all of this is, what if I did go back to work?  How would I manage if I wasn't able to get to sleep?  Ok, I might get sleep, but I would never be able to get on the computer.  I still can't put him down during the day except for very short (and blessed) moments.  It has gotten a bit better...instead of him screaming after 45 seconds of being in the bassinet, he can now go up to 60 minutes for the week.  What a relief!

He's now 12 weeks old.

I remind myself that he's not going to be doing this forever.

For example, I can't imagine him being 9 years old and not wanting to sleep anywhere but in my arms.  It's actually sweet to think about how selective he is...it makes me think of how Madeline is trying to wean her 22 month old.  I think it's sweet that he searches for his mama...and she's probably just tired of it and wants a rest.

Well, I've already informed John that on Friday night I want 1 hour of "free-time".  I know he loves holding the baby, but he has been going to bed early to catch the metro.  Thus, during the week he doesn't have as much time to give, but I think I am really needing a break now.  Or I could do what he and my mom suggest.  Let him cry. 

I'll be hiding.  With earplugs.

Did I mention that my cat, Carlitos, insists that he sit on my lap-even if the baby is in my arms and the laptop is on my legs?

Comments

[Sam]

Even though you're stressing a bit now, as they all say, one day this will all be a precious memory to you.